Could low Self-esteem be preventing you from creating the life you want?

 Let’s think about this! Feeling good about yourself makes you feel confident about taking charge of your own life. However, this is less likely when you do not feel good about yourself. The reality is many of us have not made the connection between our self-esteem and its impact on our lives, and with the daily grind, we barely have time to stop and reflect on how we are showing up in our lives , why we are not setting up goals or working toward them, why not feeling good in one area of our lives can easily bleed to others areas as well, or why we feel that we have no control over our lives. But, when we stop and reflect on this idea, we can start to understand how self-esteem plays a significant role in how we show up in our lives, especially when we are dealing low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can held us back in life as it hinders our growth. It makes us feel unsure about our abilities, unable to recognize our skills and talents and prevent us from facing adversities and challenges. This is why building high self-esteem is essential to keep evolving in your life. One should ask yourself ” Can I take positive actions toward growth if I do not see myself as capable to learn and evolve? ” Understanding the influence of self-esteem in every area of your life is the first step to awareness and to start building or improving it.

What is Self-Esteem? 

Self-esteem is how we perceive and value ourselves. It is how we see ourselves, defining who we are through our own opinions, and beliefs. It is all about how we perceive our own abilities, qualities, and character, which in turn impacts our relationships, decision-making, and general approach to life. It is subjective, that is individual based, affected by our personal views, experiences or background. But the good news is that since Self-esteem is Subjective, this means each of us can change our perception of who we are. Isn’t that great! yes, it is because you do have the control!

Depending on how we process and is affected by our experiences, we can develop a low or high self-esteem, and even a balanced one. Therefore, when we are facing low self-esteem, we should ask ourself why we have adopted a negative view of ourself? Are these views a reflection of our own beliefs and values? Or are they acquired or imposed from others? Almost everyone would like to see themselves in a positive light, as a capable individual, who is able to achieve their goals and create the life they want. But when we find ourselves unable to take actions toward our goals or try to improve your life, it maybe worth to stop and assess the reasons behind it. There could be many reasons why you may view ourself in less than favorable light, but reflecting on how low-self-esteem can be one of these reasons that is preventing us from building the life we want can be helpful to start finding clarity in our life.

According to reseach, our Self-esteem is shaped by our self-confidence, our self-respect, our sense of belonging, and our self-efficacy, which are all derived from our experiences and background. These four elements contribute to how favorably we view ourself. 

• Self-confidence is your belief in yourself and our abilities in various aspects of life.
• Self-respect is believing that you deserve happiness, unconditional love and respect from others, and treating yourself with kindness and understanding. 
• Sense of belonging is the feeling of being accepted and valued by others and fostering connections.
• Self-efficacy is the believe in your ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish certain goals

QUICK LOOK AT SELF-ESTEEM VERSUS SELF-CONFIDENCE

Often, we tend to confuse self-esteem with self-confidence, but it is worth mentioning the little difference between the two. While self-confidence, also part of self-esteem, refers to our belief in our abilities to succeed in a specific area or in general, Self-esteem on the other end, refers to the overall sense of worth and how we value ourselves. Therefore, understanding the distinction between the two help us comprehend that having self-confidence in your ability to perform well at your job function for instance, may not necessarily translate to you having the same confidence in your social life. Perhaps, you maybe be shy, fear rejections or have some underlined insecurities that make you fear connecting with others.

 By conceiving this difference, you may be open to improving your self-esteem, because it is more than just your confidence, it is your overall sense of self. As a result, you can redirect your focus on learning how to feel a sense of belonging with like-minded people. It is also understanding that if you want to create an overall sense of well-being, you want every area of your life to reflect a healthy self-esteem and worth.

In brief, it is recognizing that we are deserving and capable and are willing to improve in areas that require improvement or need to be addressed. As a result, we see ourselves in a favorable light, even though we have weaknesses, limitations, doubts, we do not let them define us, just like being confident at our job should not define who we are as an individual.

QUICK SELF-REFLECTION

Now take a minute to reflect on the four elements above that make up self-esteem. Do you hold a negative belief or imbalance in one area or all 4 areas? For instance, is your self-confidence constantly affected when you do not perform well at work? Do you feel unworthy because you are unable to attract the partner you want in relationship? Do you lack self-respect because you have hard time meeting small goals in your life? Do you feel lost and incapable because you are unaware of your skills, qualities and strengths? Do you see yourself as capable of changing and growing?  How do you feel -high or low-self esteem or between? You probably may have an idea.

Reflecting on some of the above questions highlight the impact of self-esteem in almost every area of life, from building emotional balance and resilience, facing challenging, choosing to keep moving forward, to building work and personal relationships. It all starts by working to start seeing ourself beyond these circumstances and realities we are faced with, rather than letting them define us. We choose to learn the lessons, knowing that we can change and improve, believe in ourselves and our abilities to change by working to adopt a favorable and growth mindset. Life does not just happen to you, rather, you take control of what you can. This is what high-esteem individual chooses to do.   A Research on The benefits of building Self-esteem highlight the importance of building our self-esteem and how essential it is to our overall well-being.

To better assess your self-esteem, let’s look at some signs that identify where you fall in between high or self-esteem, and where you need to improve. 

 According to many sources, some signs of low self-esteem include:

• Feeling unmotivated to take actions toward your goals because you are unsure of your abilities and skills to achieve them. Other signs of low self-esteem include having issues with relationships and expressing your needs to avoid feeling guilty and shame, while keeping pleasing others at your own detriment. You lack assertiveness, frequently make other people’s needs before your own, hence unable to set boundaries to protect your space and your peace of mind. This can lead to struggling with self-confidence and feeling unlovable and unworthy, thus lowering your self-esteem. 

• In addition, individual with low self-esteem believe that others are better than them through comparison, and they tend to focus on their weaknesses, instead of focusing on their strengths. As a result, they lack the understanding that their life journey is unique to them and comparing themself to others only lead to disappointment or temporary relief of their sense of worth. 

• Furthermore, they may develop fear of rejection, abandonment, and constantly needing validation from others, hence can easily become co-dependent on others or think others maybe dependent on them. Some people develop perfectionism tendency to avoid criticism or feedback.  Moreover, some additional signs include being easily bullied or abused, because they may be unable to stand up for themselves and rather prefer to conform and fit in, leading them to often avoid social interactions.  Sometimes, they may feel that they have no control over the direction of their life.

Contrary to the above, here how high self-esteem looks like in actions: 

• People with high self-esteem maintain a healthy emotional balance since their self-esteem depends on it. They learn to response in situations and events rather than react. They learn to be in control of their emotions, while building resilience in the face of challenges, adversities, setbacks, failures and able to easily bounce back from it, instead of feeling defeated. 

• Those with high self-esteem can maintain healthy relationships with others as a result of having a healthy relationship with themselves, they have realistic and appropriate personal expectations, understanding their needs and be able to express them without guilt or shame, allowing them to align themselves with what is right for them and what is not. They are motivated to work toward their goals, by building the confidence they need to take actions.

• They can acknowledge both positive and negative feedback without letting it define their self-worth. They are compassionate towards themselves, especially during difficult times, and have a sense of direction in their life.

         Below is a side- by- side comparison between individual with low and those with high self-esteem

SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

Which category do you fall in? Do you feel confident in yourself? Do you value yourself enough to choose what right for you? Do you feel deserving of the life you are meant to live and willing to create? Do you feel capable of setting and taking actions toward your goals? Do you believe in yourself and your skills, abilities? Do you know your strengths, weaknesses, limitations and how to make it work for you? Do you have conviction in the direction of your life? Do you feel a sense of belonging? If not, are you seeking like-minded individual that can support your growth? Can you build courage and strength to take actions toward your goals? Do you let fears and insecurities affect your actions and hinder your growth? Do you believe you can improve your life?

These are just few questions you can reflect on to get started on seeing the connection between your self-esteem and your life.  Connecting all back to the four elements of self-esteem, mentioned earlier, we can easily see how one element can easily overlap to others, and if there is an imbalance or unhealthy behaviors in one area, it can easily affect other areas, thus impacting your overall self-esteem. That is the main reason why it is important to look at our self-esteem from a holistic view.  Therefore working to build a healthy and balanced self-esteem is essential to your overall well-being.

CAUSES OF LOW-SELF ESTEEM

As we reflect on our self-esteem and how it maybe affecting our life, we need to look at its root causes because while the signs above help us see what areas we need to build or improve on, understanding the roots causes help us focus on targeted solutions, breaking cycles and resealing patterns. Research show that Self-esteem is built from past and childhood experiences such as criticism or neglect, negative thought patterns, mental health conditions, and challenging life events. Some of the common factors are trauma, bullying, discrimination, poor academic and work performance, and relationships issues. Additionally, social pressures, unrealistic expectations, and the most trending one, social media can negatively impact how individuals perceive themselves.

As you embark on the journey of seeing jourself differently, understand the causes of your low-Self esteem, and evaluate the signs, so you can start healing what have been hindering your growth all along and maybe preventing you from living the life you deserve.