How do you see yourself?

If someone asks you this question, what would your answer be? Do you see yourself as a success or a failure? Beautiful or unbeautiful? Capable and able to learn or uncapable? Someone with qualities and skills? Someone who deserve what is best for yourself? Someone who has potential and can do better? Ect—

Your answer will certainly be different from someone else, but one true remains is that what you think about yourself matters; it may even be the most important thought that really matters as it dictates how you show up in life and pursuit your goals. Therefore, the thoughts you have about yourself, and often unconsciously can either be limiting beliefs or empowering ones.

The answer to the question above may vary dependent on various factors, such as your background, your upbringing and life experiences, circumstances, your self-development, especially mental and how they shape your beliefs. You may have a different answer if you are successful and feel good about yourself versus if you were facing setbacks and misfortunes. If you have developed a mindset that allow you to see yourself beyond your current situation and setbacks, you will more likely have a positive and empowering one. For instance, do you let your experiences, especially the negative ones define you or use them as fuel to grow? Other people opinions and beliefs define you? or do you dig deeper to found who you truly are?

         One way we see ourselves is by unconsciously adopting other people beliefs and opinions of who we are as our own. We see ourselves through the lenses we believe others see us, accepting their projections into who we supposed to be, letting one mistake define and affect who we were or capable of being, instead of defining it for ourselves. Sometimes, this act could be due to the lack of not knowing ourselves as we though we did. But deep down we know that there is more to us that need discovery and we realize that who we are should not be tied to how others see or define us because at our core, we are more than our physical.

One reason for this action is that many of us still defer to other how we view ourselves, rather than empowering ourselves through our own lenses.

Another reason behind this action maybe the lack of clarity about who we are, that is to define our own identity, values and beliefs.

One additional reason maybe the fact that we have been judging others as well, consciously or unconsciously and in return, we feel their judgment or label on us. This does not really apply to everyone as some people choose not to judge others at all and therefore do not worry about feeling judged or labeled. But for many of us, we tend to do that unintentionally, and the result of this action could be that we can easily feel other judging us because we are projecting without knowing or understanding. For instance, you may feel that your coworker is too flashy in the way try dress for work and in reciprocity, you believe that he or she thinks that your style is not chic and trendy and unconsciously, you may take that idea or belief on as your own. But all along, it was just a projection.

            Another reason how we see ourselves is due to childhood and life experiences because these impact our thoughts and beliefs. When we are young and undeveloped, we tend to take on everything we see or hear from those around us and naturally we identify with those beliefs, subtle comments, teachings and behaviors. For instance, are you still hearing the voice of someone from your past in the back of your head telling you that you’re not good enough? Or you are not worthy? Or are you identifying with who you are today and how you are progressing in your life and in your own way?

If we build awareness early on in life, we can start to forge out our own identity, but for many this may come to the realization late in adulthood.

As adults, when we have experienced lot of challenges and setbacks, we can either see ourselves as a failure and unsuccessful or as a strong and resilient person and understand that we are still going and have not given up on ourselves. With this mindset, we can see success in our own way-because learning to face life challenges is a skill and a success.

If we see these setbacks as a sign of failures and worthlessness, then we cannot see ourselves in a positive light because we believe that everyone else is seeing what we see– a person who is a failure. For instance, if you lose jobs few times, instead of seeing yourself as a failure because you believe that what everyone sees, you understand that this is only one side of you, and the circumstance is temporary and that there is more to you than this role. Also, the truth is, this is all in our mind and when we choose to see these experiences differently, we start to change how we view ourselves and as this change impact how we behave, others start reflecting to us how we see ourselves, from the inside out.

Sounds like a little magic trick! – we may only need to try it! Quite often other mirror back to us how we see and think of ourselves and when we switch it, they can switch back in kind because we no longer see what we think they see, we see who we truly are, through their eyes as a reflection instead of a projection. Therefore, when we start seeing ourselves differently, we start show up differently in life.

          Additionally, the reason how we see ourselves is often based on our roles, status and circumstances. We tie our identity to things outside of ourselves such as job title, finances, relationships and material success. As such, we may not see ourselves beyond these things, and we look at ourselves as a success or failure depending on where we are in life. Many of us do have a good balance of their materials gain and how it is only a partial reflection of who they are, rather than define them, while others may have a vague or unclear idea about who they are without things outside themselves.

Many of us may tie a large part of our identity on how helpful we are to others or how in life was going well, and when we lost that sense of security, we feel like we have lost who we are in the process. But the truth is that we have been identifying ourselves with the wrong things until we realize that who we are is truly within us, and we just need to connect to it. it is about forging and finding our own identity beyong everything outside ourselves

Furthermore, some people may see themselves with limitations such as if they have not achieved the financial success, gain the job or relationship title, or lack the skills or qualities they think they should have, they are seen as failure or unworthy. Instead of recognizing everything else that make them who they are beyond these limitations, they focus on the lack. For instance, they may say to themselves that they don’t have the talent or are not smart enough to do something they want to do or enjoy doing instead of choosing to learn.

          Also, when it comes to answering the above question, our self-esteem can also influence the response. Because our self-esteem is how we view ourselves and depending on how favorable or unfavorable we see ourselves, the answer will be different. A person with a high self-esteem will probably answer this question with lot of confidence and conviction, based on the positive view of themselves, their achievements, either big or small, their capabilities, qualities, limitations, skills and talents. This view maybe also be derived from their experiences and how they have chosen to relate to them as tools that allowed them to grow and understand that they can do and be more in their life than they are now.

On the other hand, someone with a low self-esteem may answer differently to this question with less favorable view and with less conviction. Their answer may be based on not taking account their achievement, their talents and skills, their abilities, and rely on how others view them, told them what they are capable of, instead of connecting their self-worth to everything else that made who they are and can grow to be. This can also be a dangerous place to be as it can rob you of the possibility to explore your potential.

           Finally, some of us may have a simple answer as “Not knowing or not sure how we see themselves “because we see ourselves as everyone else, trying to live life as it comes. But we do not have to base who we are only on where we are in life, because if we can use the awareness to make changes, we can forge our own identity.

However, answering to the question above require us to know who we are and forge our own identity. We can certainly take into account our physical look and credentials, but these can have minimal importance because our true self comes from Inside and not outside. We have to also understand our capabilities, qualities, skills, strengths, weaknesses and how they all make up part of who we are and how we see ourselves. For instance, a teacher with a degree and experience may not necessary be a better teacher outside of the classroom than a parent who faced many life experiences raising children. Therefore, even though that parent maybe a stay- home person, he or she can see herself with high regard and self-worth and as a valuable teacher because she or he rose above their limitations or what others may view them.

Nothing is wrong with any of the answers above as we all learn about ourselves through experiences we face daily, and hopefully beyond the childhood and background experiences that have shaped us, if they are not what we truly are. This can be a long process to forge our identity and see ourselves for who we are but choosing to stop and start reflecting on how we see ourselves can surely help us in how we show up in our life, even when other do not see what we see. It all starts through our own lenses, and the outside lenses will reflect what we see.

The goal behind this question is to see ourselves beyond the surface, beyond the identity, labels, roles, limitations and circumstances that we have unconsciously assigned to ourselves. How we see ourselves matters the most as it is the mirror that the world reflects to us. There is no wrong or bad way we view ourselves as we can initially only define ourselves with what we see or hear around us, but it is up to us to choose awareness and make intentional efforts to start seeing through new lenses, those that are build form the inside out. Everyone is capable in their own way, can grow, can play different role at any point in life, can be someone advisor, a supporter, a teacher, a mentor, a nurturer, a caring friend, a leader, a learner, because we are multifaced and keep discovering ourselves through the process of life. Therefore, we are more than our title, our roles, our physical, and everything that make us, such as our qualities, strengths, limitations, skills, talents, and potential should be taken in consideration when we view ourselves, with a 360 view.